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Christmas is usually a time of the year that I associate with a lot of fun. It is that time of the year where I get to catch up with friends, buy presents, get presents, go out to see Christmas lights, attend celebrations around town, visit family, and watch Christmas movies with my family. It is a time of the year I look forward to.
However, this year Christmas time feels different. I have not had any family reunions, I have made most of my shopping online, I have not attended the usual celebrations around town, and I will not be visiting any family.
COVID-19 has changed dramatically how this time of the year is celebrated. Considering the high number of COVID-19 cases this winter, travelling to see my family, gathering with friends, and going out as I used to do at this time of the year is not a safe option.
It will be fair to say that I am in grief, that I long for what Christmas used to be. When one is in grief, not only sadness comes up, regret, irritability and feeling things are unfair comes up too. If you are someone who gets very excited about Christmas you might find yourself comparing COVID-19 to this Grinch that ruined the possibility of having Christmas gatherings in community, mass/service inside your church, family reunions, holiday parties, etc.
Have you given yourself the opportunity to notice this grief? To honor it? I want to invite you to notice this grief and notice where it hurts the most. What do you miss the most about this Christmas?
Your feelings are valid and are worth paying attention to. I believe that honoring your grief is important because your grief tells about what is meaningful to you. Recognizing your grief and honoring it can tell you about what you give value to. Knowing what you give value to orients you on your decisions and in the way you conduct yourself in life. Honor your grief, notice what feelings come up for you this season and think about what this tells about you, about what is important to you.
In addition, for many Christmas is a time of the year that is nostalgic. It is during Christmas or the holidays when the absence of those who have passed away hurts the most. It can be that time of the year when it is particularly painful to be away from family or when it hurts not having enough income or a job as one sees people buying and giving presents. Moreover, the holidays often are that time of the year where we look back at the beginning of the year and reflect on the goals we did not accomplish and on the losses that we had.
This year, we might look back at 2020 and say: “What a crazy year, what a painful year.” You might find yourself thinking: “I want this year to be over. I can’t deal with anymore.”
It is fair to say this has been a painful year. People lost their jobs, people had family members died of COVID-19 and did not have a chance to say goodbye to them, families did not have the chance to come together for their funerals. 2020 has been a year that has brought pain and a virus that changed the way we live life.
As a therapist I believe it is important to take time to pause, to notice your grief, your nostalgia, and your pain. They are worth your attention; they are worth your time. It will help you to make meaning of this year. It will help you to bring attention to what you give value to. It will help you to realize what you have survived this year.
Finally, if you find yourself getting depressed and feeling hopelessness hold onto what gives you hope, hold onto those small pieces of hope and joy that you have in your life despite COVID-19. Even if those small moments of hope and happiness are little, hold onto them. Maybe those small moments are the look in your children’s eyes when they talk about Santa, maybe it is sipping on your hot cocoa while watching a Christmas movie, it is the joy that your pet brings to your life, it is driving around your neighborhood while listening to Christmas music and seeing houses decorated, it is listening to your family on the phone, receiving a letter from your loved ones, sending a Christmas card to your family, etc. Where are those small glimpses of hope and joy in your life?
If you are a Christian, Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Jesus’ birth brought hope to humanity, his birth represents hope to humanity. Hold onto that hope, hold to it with all your might, we need hope more than ever during this pandemic.
A vaccine is on the way, doctors are learning more about this virus and we have found ways to keep connected to each other through the cyberspace.
I wish you find hope and strength in your faith, in your loved ones, in your memories, and in yourself this Christmas. If something I have learned as a therapist is that people are resilient.
Eunice A. Palacios Ramírez, LMFT
December 2020
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